


We Need More Spoons

by Musetotheworld



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Baby!Fic, F/F, and one time it comes naturally, five times Alex learns to be a mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musetotheworld/pseuds/Musetotheworld
Summary: Alex isn't sure she's ready to be a mother, isn't sure she's ready for that responsibility. But luckily she has time to get used to the idea.OrFive times Alex learns to deal with being a mother. And one time she's got it figured out.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MikoNeko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikoNeko/gifts).



> Happy Birthday Miko! Hope you enjoy your day and your present :)

X

Alex is fourteen the first time she has to be a mother.

Not literally, of course. She’s the older sister, they tell her. She’s responsible for Kara, for making sure she feels comfortable on this planet. Alex has to look out for her, protect her. Help keep her secret.

It’s never about what Alex wants, always about what Kara needs.

And that chafes, at first. These are supposed to be her years. She had plans, and friends, and a life she’d wanted to live. Now Alex has a little sister she’d never asked for, one that she resents on principle long after she’s gotten used to her presence. Long after she’d actually started to like the girl.

And really, that responsibility had been enough for her. Unwanted and unwelcome, but not horrible once she got used to it. She’d even started to enjoy having a sister after a while, even if she’d never admit that. She doesn’t have to, she knows Kara can tell. Alex may still feign reluctance when someone calls them sisters, but she’s already at the point where she knows it’s the truth. And it’s a good place for everyone all around.

And then her father dies.

Eliza never tells her the full story, just a few numb sentences that Alex can never remember. The words aren’t important, after all. The only thing that matters is her father won’t be walking back through the front door ever again. He’ll never smile at her, never be proud of her. Because he’s gone.

And that nearly breaks her.

But it _does_ break Kara, her new sister who had lost an entire planet and thought she was safe from losing anyone else. And Alex wants to resent her for that, because she hadn’t even known Jeremiah for a year. But she can’t, because somewhere along the way she’d actually started to love Kara. This strange alien girl is her sister, no matter what DNA or biology has to say about it, and Alex can’t stand seeing her hurt.

So when Eliza pulls back, lost in her own grief and shutting her daughters out, Alex steps up. She becomes mother _and_ sister to Kara, because that’s what Kara needs right now. Eliza can barely make herself go to work, let alone remember that she has two teenage girls depending on her, so it falls to Alex to keep things running.

And she can do that, she really can. She doesn’t mind that much. It’s easy, caring for Kara. She’s already been responsible for her, adding a few things on top of that isn’t that bad, really. It means her social life is pretty non-existent, but that doesn’t matter. She has a responsibility to her family, and that comes first.

Eventually Eliza breaks out of her grief, but by then Alex has settled into her role too comfortably to change. There’s no distance between herself and Kara anymore, they’re as close as if they’d been sisters their entire lives. And Alex knows, bone deep, that even if Kara is the one with amazing powers, she is the one who will do anything to protect her sister.

XX

When Lucy asks, Alex isn’t sure she’s heard right.

It’s not just that Lucy is nervous, shifting in her chair in a way Alex has never seen before, biting her lip in a way that would be distracting if not for how serious it all seems. And Alex gets those nerves; she understands why Lucy is so hesitant with her request, because she’s just not ready for this. She’s not.

She’s not ready to be a mother, not really.

Alex is barely an adult herself, has far too many days where she’s surprised the actually has a job, and friends, and an amazing woman who somehow agreed to spend their lives together. She’s married, but it still feels like a dream sometimes. Like deep down, she’s still that kid who resented having an alien sister to worry about.

So Alex asks for time to think about it. It’s a fair request, she thinks, and Lucy agrees. This is a major life decision to make, one that she needs time to process and consider. Because she’s torn. She can see how much Lucy wants this, and so her first instinct is to give in without a fight. She’d give Lucy just about anything her wife wants, no questions asked.

But this isn’t a decision about what kind of chips to get, or whether the thermostat is set too low to be comfortable. This is a _child_. A living, breathing human being that Alex would be responsible for, that she would be expected to raise and teach. That she would need to protect.

So of course Alex goes to Kara.

She’s done all that, after all. She’d helped Kara learn about Earth, she’d protected her from bullies and uncomfortable situations, she’d taught her how to fit in. True, Kara had been a teenager and not a fragile infant, but she’s still got the experience, right? It’s a start, at least.

Except when she gets to Kara’s the words spill out in a nervous rush that Kara barely tracks, if the way her brow furrows is anything to go by. And Alex feels guilty for a moment, knows she’s just dumped everything on her sister without thinking what she’s saying through, but she’d needed to get it out. Her first reactions, her half formed thoughts and worries, they’d been circling in her brain with no outlet and no way to organize them.

As soon as she finishes talking Alex reaches for the bottle of bourbon still in Kara’s cabinet, the one that’s only been for special occasions for years now. Since Lucy had put her foot down and firmly but gently told Alex that the drinking was a problem that needed fixed. That she loved her, but she’d seen enough of what alcohol could do to someone and didn’t want it to happen to Alex. That she couldn’t stick around and watch it happen.

So Alex had quit.

It hadn’t been easy, but it was worth it. Worth it to notice Lucy seeming calmer at family dinners, rather than tense as the night went on. Worth it to realize how much she enjoyed those same evenings more when she was sober. Worth it to realize she was strong enough now that she didn’t need the crutch of her college years.

But tonight, with Lucy’s request still ringing in her ears, Alex needs a little bit of that emotional distance. Not much, Alex has no intention of throwing away everything she’s gained over the years, but just enough to take the edge off her panic and let her think this through rationally.

“We’d have to buy so much for a baby. Spoons, Kara, we only have four. A baby needs more spoons.” Okay, so maybe not rationally, exactly. But suddenly it’s all she can think of, long spiraling lists of things that a baby needs that Alex doesn’t have yet. And they’d have time, Lucy wants to carry at least their first child if it’s possible, and even if it isn’t adoption isn’t instantaneous, but still. They aren’t prepared for a baby yet.

“Why does a baby need spoons?” Kara asks, crossing the room to Alex’s side with a frown. “They don’t eat solid food at first, right?” She looks so concerned about spoons of all things that Alex can’t get her mind to switch gears. Because if Kara is concerned, then obviously Alex should be too, right?

“But when they do, it has to be airplanes, Kara. And that takes spoons. And we don’t have enough. What if you and mom both visit and we have to feed the kid? We can’t starve our child!” Alex doesn’t realize how worked up she’s getting until Kara takes the bourbon from her hands, pouring it down the sink as Alex fights down the urge to object. She doesn’t need the crutch anymore, and Kara’s just taking care of her.

“Okay, so let’s work this through for a second, yeah?” Kara says when she turns back to Alex, reaching out to pull her sister into a hug that’s almost too tight. “Because if you’re this worked up about it, there’s a reason. You want this, don’t you?”

“I do,” Alex admits before she can think about what she’s saying, knowing it’s the truth only as the words come out of her mouth. Every hesitation aside, whether real or the product of her freaking out, she does want this. “I’m terrified of screwing up, of not being good enough, but I do want this.”

“Then quit sitting here with me and go tell your wife that,” Kara laughs, stepping back to give Alex a beaming smile. “We’ll talk about the rest later, but right now you should be talking to her instead.”

“Will you give me a ride?” Alex asks as she puts on her jacket, suddenly unwilling to take the time to commute. She can have Lucy drop her off to get her bike tomorrow; right now she just needs to be home. Now that she has her answer she needs to see her wife.

“Fine, but we’re doing at least two loops on the way, because I’m just as excited as you are,” Kara says before rushing to change into her suit as Alex groans.

“You know those always turn my stomach,” Alex whines, but it’s worth it to save a good half hour of time she’d otherwise be stuck in traffic.

And really, it isn’t that bad. Her stomach is already swooping every time she thinks about having a baby with Lucy, so the twirls and loops Kara keeps putting them through just slide right into what she’s already feeling.

She doesn’t realize Kara has followed her inside rather than taken back off as soon as Alex was safely on the balcony until her sister is pulling Lucy into a hug that lifts the smaller woman clear off the ground. It’s a familiar sight, but something about it tonight makes Alex smile just a little more than usual. She can already imagine a child fitting into this scene.

“I take it from Kara’s reaction that you made a decision,” Lucy says once Kara has taken off with a final hug for them both, crossing from closing the balcony door to Alex’s side.

“I did. I want this,” Alex says as she pulls Lucy close, wanting to kiss her but knowing they need to finish talking this part through before she gives in to that urge. “I’m terrified, but I do. You and me, we’ll raise a great kid together.”

“I’m glad Kara talked some sense into you,” Lucy teases before pulling back from the hug just enough to plant a quick kiss on Alex’s lips. “I always knew she was the smart Danvers.”

“Now you sound like Cat,” Alex tosses back, not really able to argue. “Not that it took her long, after I spent a few minutes freaking out about spoons, she just asked if I wanted a kid, and that was about it.”

“And you’re sure?” Lucy asks, leaning back a little further in Alex’s arms to look into her eyes. “I don’t want this to just be about what I want. I want you to want it just as much.”

“I want this,” Alex reassures her. “I want you to be happy, of course, but I do want it too. I want to do this with you.”

They’ll have to talk, and plan, and buy more god damn spoons, but all of that can wait. Because right now, Alex needs to just be happy with her wife.

XXX

The day of their first sonogram Alex can’t stop pacing in the examination room. She knows it’s too soon to see much, but that doesn’t stop her from being both excited and terrified in equal measure. This is the first sign that their child is actually in there, their first glimpse at what will soon be a fully separate human being. A tiny, helpless human being that will depend on her for everything. She isn’t ready for that.

“Babe, relax,” Lucy says as she catches Alex’s arm on her next trip past the exam table, pulling her to a stop. “It’ll be okay, the baby is fine. This is a routine check, that’s all.” Lucy’s voice is calm, reassuring, and Alex doesn’t know how to admit that she’s not worried about that. Well, she _is_ , but it’s not her _main_ concern at the moment. She knows Kara has been keeping a careful eye on Lucy, with full permission from them both, so this is just their chance to see for themselves.

She’s more worried that she’s not ready. So very not ready. But they’ve already passed the point of no return, so Alex can’t change her mind. She can’t call this off as a mistake, as a premature decision, as something that needs a little more discussion and time to think about.

She’d thought she was ready. Now that they’re here, she knows she definitely isn’t.

“I love you,” she says after taking a deep breath, leaning down to rest her forehead against her wife’s. “And I’m sorry I’m freaking out.”

“We see our baby for the first time today, I think you’re allowed to freak out a little,” Lucy says with a chuckle, tilting her head up to kiss Alex, slow and sweet. “Are you excited?”

Alex hesitates, and Lucy picks up on it, shifting back far enough to give Alex a look that seems to go right through her. It’s the look of the lawyer Lucy trained to be, and Alex knows she’s been caught. Lucy might spend more time directing agents than ferreting out the truth these days, but her instincts are still sharp enough to pick up on any half-truths if Alex tries to get away with them.

“I am,” Alex says carefully, thinking through her words to make sure she doesn’t say anything wrong and upset her wife. She’s already learned that lesson well enough to avoid any repeat demonstrations. “We get to see our baby today, that’s amazing. But it’s also real now, and I’m terrified again,” she admits, running a hand through her hair as she tries to compose herself.

“Do you regret making this decision?” Lucy asks, voice carefully blank in a way that Alex knows means she’s pushing down her emotions to avoid breaking down, and it instantly snaps her out of her thoughts.

“No, baby, god no. I told you, I want this. I want this with you. I’m just probably going to be terrified for the next seven or eight months.” Her gaze is direct, completely focused on Lucy, hoping that it’s enough to convince her of the truth.

“I think it’s going to last longer than that,” Lucy says with a laugh, pulling Alex in for a tight hug as they both cling to the other, needing the comforting reassurance of the embrace. “We’ll probably both be in a constant state of panic for years.”

“Decades even,” Alex says gravely, resting her chin on Lucy’s shoulder as she calms, wondering how she’d gotten so lucky. “But it can’t be harder than watching what Kara pulls, right?”

“You say that now, but wait until this kiddo rolls off the bed for the first time,” Lucy points out, and Alex freezes, panic once again overtaking her.

“Oh god, we have to baby proof everything when we get home,” she says, mind already running through everything that will need protected. Why does their apartment have to have so many outlets?

“Pretty sure we have at least a year before that’s anything like a priority, babe,” Lucy points out, calm voice managing to blunt the spike of Alex’s panic enough that she can push it away. She’s still going to start making to do list as soon as possible, but at least she’s not obsessing about it right this moment.

“Well, are we ready to begin?” a voice from the door breaks into their moment, and Alex startles back, hand instinctively moving to her side before sending Lucy a sheepish smile when she realizes what she’d done. That’s another thing she’ll have to work on, but not today.

“I think we are,” Lucy says while shooting Alex a look in return before focusing on the doctor.

After that Alex falls into her hyper focused mindset, taking note of everything the doctor says and advises, committing it all to memory. It’s a byproduct of too many missions to count, but Alex is grateful for it now. It means she’ll always remember the important things to make sure Lucy has everything she could need to be safe and healthy. Even if it means she comes across as emotionally distant she knows Lucy understands, and the doctor has learned by now not to comment at least.

She’s on alert as Lucy winces with the awkwardness of the procedures, but she knows it’s an unavoidable part of such an early sonogram. And her unease and Lucy’s discomfort fade as soon as the image comes into focus on the screen, immediately capturing their attention.

They can’t see much, it’s no more than a blob really, but Alex still feels her breath catch as she looks at it, at that tiny dot that is their child. She can’t believe that this is real, that they’re doing this, that she’s looking at her baby.

Then the doctor hits a button on the monitor and the sound of a heartbeat fills the room. And suddenly Alex is taking deep, gasping breaths as she tries to fill her lungs, instantly overwhelmed by a rush of emotion she couldn’t fight if she tried. She hadn’t quite realized that it was actually real no matter how much her head understood that it was, but as soon as she’d heard the first beat of their baby’s heart it had crashed into her harder than Kara on a sugar rush.

She doesn’t realize tears are rolling down her cheeks until Lucy brushes one away, and when Alex turns to look at her wife she sees matching tears on her face. With the hand not holding Lucy’s in a tight grip she returns the favor, unable to keep up but not caring.

She’s still not ready, but Alex wants this with every fiber of her being now. Their child isn’t even born and already she knows she will do anything to keep them safe and make sure they know they are loved.

XXXX

“Laying on me does not produce ice cream,” Lucy teases as they lie in bed, but from the way her hand is still carding carefully through Alex’s hair she knows it’s not really an urgent request. If it were, Lucy would be glaring and probably pushing at her, not willing to rest until she had ice cream in hand. Until it reaches that point, Alex is safe.

“I know, but you’re so comfortable,” Alex says as she rests her head carefully on the growing bulge of Lucy’s stomach, still constantly awed by the fact that their child is actually in there. “And Joey and I are comfy.”

“We are not calling him Joey,” Lucy says with a laugh, shifting carefully to avoid dislodging Alex’s head. “That’s a baby kangaroo, and I’d rather not give any child of ours ideas before he’s even born. And you may be comfortable, but the way he’s kicking my organs, I think he wants more room.”

“He’ll just have to wait for that,” Alex says as she turns her head to place a soft kiss to Lucy’s stomach, surprised when she feels a thump against her lips.

“Alex, baby, you okay?” Lucy says when she freezes, sitting up a little on her elbows to look at her. “Alex, what’s wrong?”

“I felt him move,” Alex whispers, still staring in awe at Lucy’s stomach and their child. “I hadn’t felt him move before.” Lucy had, of course, but before this the movements had been too soft to be felt except from within. “Hey buddy, it’s Mama. You feel like moving for me again?”

Lips and hands are pressed carefully against the swell of Lucy’s stomach, waiting for any movement from within, and when Alex feels the soft but definite ripples of their child shifting, she can’t help the tears of joy that begin to drip onto Lucy’s skin. She’s cried more in the past few months that probably the rest of her life combined, but she doesn’t care. Lucy may be the one with the raging hormones, but Alex will never be ashamed of how happy she’s been.

“I think he knows you’re there,” Lucy says as she stares down at Alex with a soft smile, hands resting comfortingly on top of Alex’s. “He’s moving more now.”

“Are you moving for Mama, baby boy? You’re gonna be such a strong one, aren’t you?” Alex whispers, already impatient for the day she holds him in her arms. “Just a few more months little one, then you get to meet everyone. We can’t wait to see you. Aunt Kara is already planning to spoil you.”

“You’re in on half of those plans, don’t try to blame your sister,” Lucy points out, nudging Alex as she grins. “Now, I think I asked for some ice cream almost an hour ago.”

“It was like ten minutes,” Alex scoffs as she sits up, one hand still pressed to where she can feel the soft movements of their son. “You could be a little more patient, you’re gonna teach Connor here bad habits.”

“Connor, huh?” Lucy says thoughtfully, tracing formless patterns on her stomach as she thinks about the latest name Alex has dropped. “I think we might finally have a winner, Alex.”

“Yeah?” Alex asks, surprised that this latest idea has actually gone over well.

“Unless you were just tossing it out there?” Lucy checks, head tilted to the side as she looks at Alex.

“No, I like it,” Alex says as she leans down to place a gentle kiss over where their little boy is still moving around. “You’re gonna be so loved, Connor. But right now I need to get your Mommy some ice cream so you get to actually meet your Mama.”

Somehow now that they’ve settled on a name it’s harder to walk away even just to get ice cream for Lucy, but before long Alex is settled back into bed, hand resting over where Connor has apparently gone to sleep as she drifts off herself.

She can’t wait to meet him.

XXXXX

Alex would like to say she didn’t panic when Lucy went into labor. She’d like to say that as a veteran of multiple enemy engagements, she’d kept a cool head in the face of the challenge, and saved the emotions for later.

She’d like to, but she can’t.

As soon as Lucy had admitted that the back pain she’d been struggling with on and off all day was likely labor, Alex had been in full on panic mode. Rushing for the bags and nearly forgetting everything in her haste, Alex had known even as she was running around that she was falling into the biggest cliche of new parents everywhere. But she couldn’t help it, because this was what they’d been working towards for months.

She’d been terrified, she’d fallen in love, she’d been sleep deprived, she’d spent hours making sure Lucy was comfortable and okay, and now it was time to finally meet their little boy. A little panic was to be expected, right?

Lucy of course was endlessly amused by it all, too focused on counting the time between contractions to really let herself feel anything other than desire for the wait to be over. Alex was handling the panic for both of them just fine on her own.

She somehow managed to get them to the hospital, pulling into a spot and wishing it were possible for Kara to have flown them instead. But then she knows that there’s no way she’s letting Connor fly until he’s at least five, no matter how much she trusts Kara. And five might be pushing it, really. Even if it would be faster, the thought of her baby boy that far off the ground is the stuff of nightmares.

The actual delivery is almost anticlimactic for Alex. As soon as Lucy starts really feeling the pain Alex switches over into ‘take care of her’ mode, bringing her whatever she can, holding her when she needs, and in general doing everything she can to make this as easy as possible for Lucy. She’s so in awe of how strong her wife is as the time passes and the pain gets worse, because Lucy never falters. Even with sweat dampened hair and tears rolling down her face, she looks beautiful, completely determined to see their son no matter what she has to go through to get to that point.

And then there’s a flurry of movement, calls to push, and there he is, safe in the doctor’s arms. And Alex finds herself holding her breath, wondering how such a small bundle can capture her heart so completely. She’d thought she loved him, had loved him, but the growing feelings of the past nine months had nothing on this moment right here. Suddenly she needs to hold him, needs to feel his comforting weight and presence in her arms. Because now, now she’s officially a mother, and suddenly she isn’t terrified at all.

She knows that feeling will return later, probably about the time they pack Connor into his carseat to take him home, but for now everything is perfect. And when she hears his cries ring through the room as the nurses check everything, Alex suddenly knows bone deep that she will do whatever is needed to protect her son. She’d known that before, in the same way she’d do anything for Kara, but this is different. This is deeper. She’d still do anything for Kara, but Alex knows she’d do anything and more for Connor.

When he’s finally placed in her arms Alex knows she won’t have too long to hold him this time. Lucy will want her turn once she’s done being stitched up, and Alex could never deny her that. But this moment, however short, the first moment she holds her son in her arms, is the best moment of her life.

XXXXXX

The sound of giggles from the kitchen is Alex’s first clue that something is up when she comes home after a shift, Lucy right behind her. They’d left Connor with Kara for the afternoon after being called in for standard security briefings for all command level agents, so anything involving the kitchen was immediately suspect.

Using her stealth training and hoping Kara hasn’t consciously reacted to the sound of the front door opening, Alex leads Lucy towards the kitchen, waiting to see if the giggling tapers off. When it doesn’t she quickly steps around the corner, catching Connor sitting on the counter with a path of open drawers he must have climbed stretching along the length of the cabinets. He’s covered in chocolate and cookie crumbs with an empty package next to him, and Alex groans as she realizes he probably will have zero appetite for his dinner now. She isn’t surprised in the least by the fact Connor had climbed his way up, not when he had two DEO agents for mothers and a superhero for an aunt.

Speaking of… “Connor, what have you been told about cookies before dinner? Who said you could have them now?”

“Aunt Kara did, Mama. Said ‘just one’ but she ated two, so I gots another,” Connor says with a smile. “An then we raced to eat one more.”

“Connor, you weren’t supposed to tell her that!” Kara says from where she’s been hiding against the ceiling, dropping enough so that Alex can see her pout. “The race was our secret, buddy.”

“Sorry Aunt Kara,” Connor says as he looks up at her, and Alex feels her heart melt at how much her sister and son love each other. But there’s still the matter of cookies before dinner, and she can’t let them off the hook this time or it’ll just happen again. No matter how adorable they look, she has to punish them both for this.

“I think we need to not buy cookies for a week, what do you think Lucy?” she asks, turning to see her wife doubled up with silent laughter behind her at the whole thing. “Lucy, you’re not exactly helping here,” Alex sighs in exasperation, turning back to face the stricken looks of the two children in front of her. No matter what Kara’s age, anyone who looks so upset at the thought of no cookies gets categorized as a child to Alex now. “One week, guys. And Kara, that means no bringing him cookies for nap time, or I won’t buy your brownie ice cream for sister nights for a whole month.”

“Promise, Alex,” Kara says solemnly, knowing that Alex in Mama mode means everything she says.

“I sorry Mama,” Connor says with a slight pout, and Alex doesn’t hesitate to cross the kitchen and scoop him up, grateful her training means she’s still strong enough to do it with little difficulty even if he’s starting to get too big for this.

“It’s okay baby boy, but you know we need to eat healthy food before snacks, right? Aunt Kara is the silly one who forgets that, but if we want to be big and strong we have to make sure we eat our vegetables before we get full.”

“Ick, vegetables,” Connor says as he sticks out his tongue, and Alex hears Lucy laugh again from behind her, as well as the tell-tale snap of her phone’s camera capturing the moment.

And as Alex turns to smile at her wife, she wonders how she could ever have thought she wasn’t ready for this. Because moments like this are the best part of her days, and she can’t imagine life without them.

She may not have known what she was getting into when they’d started down this particular path, but she wouldn’t change it for the world.


End file.
